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sugar overload, back fat, and determination

April 10, 2009

after my chocolate-y morning i was in the mood for some veggies, so i had some with hummus. in the bowl is a dried apricot and a piece of carrot raisin bread/muffin from vegan with a vengeance. i cut back on the sugar in the muffin batter, and used brown instead of white…so it wasn’t very sweet…tasted kind of like a pancake with carrots in it which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

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for dinner, i made orange pork and veggies (broc, carrot, red onion, snow peas, bell pepper, and mushrooms). it was my first time trying this recipe out and i think i turned out okay…i wish i had chosen to make something salty or spicy though- i didn’t need more sugar in me šŸ˜›

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okay, enough about the food and onto a subject that has been frustrating me even more than usual.

weight loss!

i’m making NO progress! a short while ago, i was really excited to see 128 on the scale but since then it’s been going back and forth between 129 and 130. usually 130! i was starting to feel a bit more confident about my body but now everytime i step off the scale, i find myself grabbing my flab and hating everything i see. in the past five years or so, i’ve hit 130 and given up so many times. i’m NOT doing that again!

to be fair, i do see some change in how my clothes fit. i’m happy to find that a lot of my dresses from last summer are big….not to the point where i’m swimming in them and i need to buy a new wardrobe (i wish!) but i can tell there’s a difference. i tried on a “skinny” dress i bought at the end of last summer. i don’t remember if it completely zipped up then…but if it did i was definitely looking like a sausage. well, it zips up now, it’s TIGHT but i think i can go outside and maybe eat a meal in it. i do have to wear a cardigan though because my back fat is out of control!

so the point of all of that rambling was that, i’m gonna take (back fat) progression pics with this dress! i took a couple pics last night and i think i’ll continue this monthly into the summer. i’m not posting a before pic yet because it’s pretty traumatizing to even look at right now and i’ll only feel okay about it when i find that it’s shrinking.

on the same note, i’ve been debating whether to post “before” pics of myself when i was much heavier- like at least 30+ lbs. i like seeing before and after pics on other blogs and i feel like it gives people an idea of where i’m coming from….does that make sense? i also think “going public” with those pics is an affirmation that i’m past it and never going back to that weight again- so i have nothing to be ashamed of. i don’t have many pics with me- most of them are shoved in a box under my bed in ca and everytime i visit home, i go through the box and rip up a good amount of them. but now that i typed this all out, i’m gonna do it! i’ll scan what i have and put them up soon.

and that’s all the rambling i have for you tonight. i’ll end with a non-back-fat angle of the dress i was talking about. it’s cute right? hopefully the next time you see me in it, i’ll be thinner…and tanner! aja aja hwaiting!

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14 Comments leave one →
  1. April 11, 2009 1:37 am

    Honey, I TOTALLY know where you’re coming from and I’ve been there…actually I’m still there for so many things you talked about.

    First, I definitely start getting dissatisfied with my “newer” body even if it’s smaller once I’ve reached that level for a while. I think I got addicted to the high in seeing how much loser the clothes fit and want to relive that, but remember Sue, you just DON’T HAVE as much to lose as you did before, so you start picking at other parts of your body you see as imperfect. I am 100% guilty of picking at my hip fat and thinking DAMN this is whack.

    Yup, at the same time, you look at your before pictures and you think – Jeez I was that big??? In many ways, I’m still ashamed of my old self. I hide the before pics and even CRINGE when my parents occasionally takes ’em out, or someone tags a pic from high school on facebook. I don’t think I’ll ever post up before and after pics on my blog for reasons such as potential employers may possibly stumble across the blog and i don’t want it to affect my career.

    Ultimately the decision is yours but make sure you’ve considered the future consequences! Like how you would feel if the last person on earth you wanted to find your blog actually found it. (Cuz it’s very likely!)

    Anyway, sorry for the loooong ass comment, but I totally feel you Sue and just wanted to let you know that i’m here if you ever wanna do an e-mail exchange or need someone to bounce thoughts off!! I’ve thought about this LOTS too. šŸ™‚ GO US thoughtful girls. hehehe

    OH, and SUPER CUTE outfit girl! You could eat TWO big ass meals in that dress!!

  2. lesouefsbrouilles permalink
    April 11, 2009 1:58 am

    hwaiting!!!! if you ever watched yes man, jim carrey says it too it’s hilarious!!

    love the mini hello kitty purse. im in the same position as you! i’m really short but i weigh alot! i need to seriously kick it into gear, we can do this!

  3. April 11, 2009 5:14 am

    plateaus are SO hard going! i think you look fantastic in that dress, and you do great at eating healthy that i think you’ll be in your happy place in no time. i like luckytastebuds’ comment – she is so right, it’s hard to think about how far you’ve come when all you can see are “imperfections” at those particular moments, but you have to remind yourself!

  4. April 11, 2009 5:16 am

    I think you look great in that picture, but I know how you feel. Even at my lowest weight (126lbs a long time ago, and was too low for my height 5’5″) I still didn’t feel right and hated photos of me.

  5. April 11, 2009 5:57 am

    yo, I think you already look beautiful.
    as for the steady weight, maybe you’ve gained muscle? muscle weighs more than fat, so that may be it.
    anyway, good luck, and HWAIIIITING indeed! (yay korean!)

  6. April 11, 2009 6:15 am

    girl, I think you’re doing great having a positive mind when you’re in a plateau. this is the hardest moment of a consistent weight loss, be strong and positive. And if you’re seeing results from your cloth, that’s a good sign, because your body fat content is lowering and you’re getting toner. Oh… by the way, I did post my before and after pics on my blog. I used to be ashamed of it but now I don’t mind others look at it because it’s past and it’s part of me, I didn’t do anything wrong, just a little puppy~~
    and lastly, you look great in that dress, I don’t see anything tight there! šŸ™‚

  7. April 11, 2009 6:52 am

    Sue, you are being so hard on yourself! That dress is SO adorable on you–it looks like it was made to fit you!
    BUT, I do know how it feels to be feeling insecure and frustrated with a plateau. We all have our “trouble areas,” too, and they probably aren’t as noticable to everyone else as they are to you!
    I’m thinking adding before and after photos to my blog too, so I understand the hesitation. It’s a tough call. I think it draws people in but whether or not it helps them understand your feelings is hard to say. I think most people can relate to these feelings without before and after photos…we’ve all been there, done that!
    You’re doing great, and the important part is that you are making progress with your weight loss and feeling better than ever before, right? Just focus on that feeling and things will continue happening for you.
    Enjoy your weekend, and rock that dress!!

  8. April 11, 2009 7:24 am

    Sue, with all honesty, you look AWESOME in that dress! I love white dresses for warm weather šŸ™‚

  9. April 11, 2009 7:37 am

    Girl, listen to everyone above (and me, haha) – you look smashing!! Stay positive šŸ™‚

  10. April 11, 2009 7:51 am

    You look perfect the way you are but we’ll support you in your goals. Your shoes are to die for by the way!

  11. April 11, 2009 10:43 am

    I think you look great!
    Hope all goes well with everything, and I think it is a great idea to show previous pictures just to affirm the changes. šŸ™‚

  12. April 11, 2009 1:48 pm

    Sue I love that dress on you! And I am blind, I NEED to put my glasses on (the pic on the daily balance I thought was a pocket) Now that I can see a larger picture, your dress is even prettier! Cute Hello Kitty purse too!

    Your blog is an inspiration for me to eat better. And with my changing metabolism, I have back fat I’ve never had before in my life. But on the other hand, I have curves I’ve never had before in my life. I’m searching for the balance of accepting how I am now, but not letting the weight gain get out of control.

    Hang in there, there is a point in all diets that there is a plateau. That’s the rough spot. Try not to let it get you down. Just glance at your before picture. Let it give you the happy acknowledgment of how far you have come šŸ™‚

    Hugs
    http://www.fashionafterforty.blogspot.com

  13. April 11, 2009 9:55 pm

    youre so fecking cute.

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