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refocus

May 27, 2009

it’s raw wednesday again, and i had another raw smoothie/juice for breakfast. i really didn’t challenge myself with this challenge since all my raw meals were pretty much smoothies for breakfasts…and that was already happening anyway. oh well…

this is a watermelon, strawberry and cucumber smoothie. aren’t the little green flecks so pretty?

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for lunch, i had peanut butter toasts (one with honey) and a clementine.

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i’m seriously considering ice cream for dinner. please talk some sense into me!

anyway…guess what guys! i’m sick of being fat. i mean, so sooo tired of it!

i was all excited about losing weight for a while, but then it slowed down/stopped and i started telling myself that i’m okay with where i am. i’m in a healthy bmi range, so maybe i should just accept the fact that i’m always gonna be a little chubbier than the other girls and i should learn to be happy with it. i definitely loosened up on that whole healthy eating thing a bit. i had a few extra cookies, a little more pizza and i even stopped weighing myself. i can’t remember the last time i stepped on the scale!

awesome right? NOT at all. i was lying to myself. i am not happy with where i am! now i’m too afraid to step on the scale, and i can feel the weight creeping back on. i just feel so disgusted with myself lately. i’m mad at myself for giving up and convincing myself to settle.

i’ve totally lost track of what i wanted with this blog too…i keep getting caught up in trying to be interesting and entertaining…trying new foods, new products, new recipes, new restaurants. that is SO not helping me! my love of food has gotten me to this point in the first place…i don’t need to be “feeding” that obsession. i think about/want food so much more than i ever have!  i used to be obsessed with fashion/clothes but now all my shopping is done at the grocery store. that is so not me, and i’ve lost focus of myself. i don’t want to be a foodie. i want to be a skinny girl who looks good in pretty clothes.

i need to refocus and get back on track!

to sum it up.

i’d rather be wearing this (cute right?):

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than eating this:

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*edited to add: i’m not saying pb makes you fat! i used pb & co as an example cus it used to take me months to finish a jar of pb, i love it, but i wasn’t obsessed with eating it straight outa the jar and spreading it on everything i can. i also would never have even considered spending my extra cash to buy these crazy flavors (that’s like half a manicure!)…i just find myself getting obsessed about things that aren’t important to me and my goals. i hope that makes sense!

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. May 27, 2009 4:25 pm

    hang in there, girl 😉

    and yes, i love that dress

  2. May 27, 2009 4:53 pm

    Cute dress! You have such good taste 🙂

  3. May 27, 2009 7:58 pm

    Oh, I know how you feel. I read your post earlier. I had no intention of being a foodie. I started my blog to keep track of fitness and share with others. Then i got caught up in trying to keep up with new things and then if it wasn’t good, I didn’t want to post. Now I realize I don’t have to have pics to have a great blog! Focus on what makes you happy and I hope you keep blogging!

  4. May 27, 2009 8:00 pm

    I’m now going to focus on keep tracking of my weightloss though I love reading the blogs, making friends, and learning so much…. 🙂

  5. innascribbles permalink
    May 27, 2009 9:14 pm

    Sue- this blog is for YOU, we just all have the pleasure of reading it 🙂 Do what you need to make yourself happy. I can relate to the pressure of keeping up with the coolest new food trends, etc but ultimately I think it’s something we all need to get over and just do what’s best for us- I’m happy to hear you say you’ll be doing that!

  6. May 28, 2009 2:37 am

    That dress is so freaking cute! Love it!

    Your smoothie looks fab too.. I cant believe I havent tried watermelon in a smoothie yet!

  7. May 28, 2009 8:19 am

    The smoothie looks so refreshing!
    Sorry your weight progress isn’t going as well as you want. Eating well seems to go in fits and spurts for me. On the bright side, if you “fall off the wagon” you can always just jump back on and start again. I’m trying to re-establish better habits regarding snacking right now and hopefully they’ll actually stick.

  8. May 28, 2009 11:08 am

    I can so relate to a lot of how you are feeling? I am definitely in a rut with food and blogging, and I am putting off my next weigh-in. Gah. I definitely feel the need to re-focus things.
    We just have to remember that in weight loss, there are going to be little ups and downs along the way. Well, not just in weight loss, just in life! So, whatever we are going through now…let’s just make it a temporary thing and get back into an “up” stage soon!

  9. Katharina permalink
    May 28, 2009 11:00 pm

    Hey girl! You should focus on what you want to focus on 🙂 Being super focused on food can drive you crazy. But I think you can still have a healthy life and do things that don’t revolve around food. But also, don’t be so hard on yourself. If you truly just adopt healthy habits with healthy living, everything will fall into it’s natural place and you can feel comfortable. Every person if different. Take care, girl!

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